So school.

School is going to start next week and I am really excited. A new major. Being surrounded by new people.

Last week I really realized that I have lost any perspective on the person I was and now I am trying to change that. I am going to stay the nice person I am but I am not going to let people walk all over me. I am not going to hide my anger with people.

Anyways, this Sunday I came back to Fullerton and well it was great. I went to Disneyland with NICOLE STRICKLAND and that was really fun (see pictures on facebook.com). I got to see NICOLE ROCA and COLLEEN WILSON who I missed very much.

Monday was good to because I took a dance class (and did not die) with Christa! It was great and I plan on taking it in the future. Later that day I got to fufill a dream and audition for A Chorus Line (albeit it was not the Broadway one but HEY ITS STILL ACL). A lot of people came to audition and I was so glad to see all these people but alas after four cuts Christa and I were the only ones left standing. (I really wished that they had kept some of the others... well most of the others all but ONE).

So the callbacks are tomorrow/today... and well I kind of am unexcited. I realized that this may conflict with the Dance Show. And I much rather be in the Dance show than this, and I know I am counting my eggs before they hatch but still. So if God were to grant me the greatest gift as to let me be in the Dance Show and A Chorus Line, there are two hours between rehearsals for ACL and when I finish with school with me allowing 20 minutes for commute... so I guess... MAYBE? It would be really cool to do both.

I am too tired to write anything else right now.

Tiger balm is my best friend

So, I cannot go to sleep ever. Literally ever. I have to wake up at 8 and it's akready 4:15... what' is the point?

Today was fun! I got to shop! and I got to hang out wiht a whole lot of people and do our secret santa... gift card to abercrombie means MORE shopping!

So yeah... the more and more I think of it... everything is going to be different. I just feel like my life can never be a unified whole. You know? Which I guess isn't that bad. Like, since I started college, there hasn't been a moment when I was completely happy. And it could be said that I am just that kind of person... the person who just cannot be happy completely, but I am trying... really. Like... if I start out a day well, it ends badly, but if I start it badly, it ends well... I never have a fully good day... EVEN AT DISNEYLAND!

And I feel like next semester I am going to be happy with school but unhappy socially because as much as people do not want to admit it, everyone is going grow apart a little... it'll be the people who made musical theatre, and the people who didn't and me, who chose to go and dance. And yeah, I will be super cyked to hang out with all the DM's but I don't not want to hang out with people.

I know I am a such a like fluttery person. I am sorry I go with path which is easiest... but I guess for some people I can maybe climb a few rocks.

By the way, I am revisiting Laguna Beach (the first season) and I am sooooooooo LO. It has been agreed upon by many. I am a lil bitchy, really ditzy but still smart, and yeah like... I dunno I just am.

I am way sore still.. I had to visit my friend, tiger balm... because I am hitting the gym tomorrow too. I am a little bit closer to a V torso... YEAh

2007! You are my biznatch!

So a new year has come. And I am one of those people who feel like a new year is an excellent way to have a new beginning! (as opposed to those think "A new year, same old shite"). And it really is a new year for me, I am going to the same school, I hopefully will have the same friends, I am living in the same place (and hopefully getting an apartment) but I have a new major, and seriously, I really am hoping that I can do well.

Anyways, I have already been really bad about my number one new year's resolution which is to work out... I am going tonight... and hopefully a lot this week... I am shooting for 4 times... I know I won't be going Saturday or Sunday.... DAMN CLOSING SHIFTS.

I miss everyone so much.

It's Been a While Hasn't It?

Funny how quickly I changed my mind.

So since I last updated, I started my second year at Fullerton... it was way stressful, and I switched my major to dance.

I really should be sleeping right now because I open the store tomorrow (among the things that have yet to change = Hot Dog on a Stick... although my pay is higher and I am their marketeer) but I am not. I am really excited for next semester, but for the first time, I am really sad as well. I know, I know that my friends won't just disapear but they are all taking different classes than me. I just think of all the high school friends that I haven't worked to keep and I am afraid that's what I am going to do.

This semester is going to be way different... I really need to work on my stamina... and eat EVEN more to keep my energy up (is it possible to eat more than I already eat?). I am really excited because I am going to be able to graduate in 4 years... I am going to do it in 4 1/2 so I don't go insane. I am already going insane. I am taking three GE's next semester... and over summer I am taking TWO. Friggin' A! On top of all these GE's which are in a continuous block 11am-2pm basically MW... and two on FRIDAY fuck I am taking a huge load of dance classes. I am going to take TWO Ballet II classes (alas one with the Debs) and two Modern classes (one II and one I w/ Gladys). And most exciting of all is that I will be taking Jazz III and next semester hopefully... I will be TAing Jazz II. I am scared because I was exhausted if I tried in Ballet II and went to JAzz II this Fall semester and I will be going from Ballet II to Jazz III straight... shoot me in the foot... but don't.

Yeah... so this break pretty much has been work...work work. I was reading my old post laughing about how I was complaining about 3-4 days... my god I am working 6 days... six hour shifts (in Hot Dog land that's a lot). I really haven't had much time for anything else. I saw like a couple friends and that's it.

Mostly... I have been just pining for boys.. a boy... I just want a boyfriend... like a real one... last semester I really could have used one.

So for my New Year's Resolution since that is coming up:
Work out at least once a week outside of dance class.
Shop more (I shopped for the first time in a long time and it felt GLORIOUS {my shopping means dishing out 300+ or in the case of my last trip 500).
Find a boy
Go to Disneyland at least three times a month!
Journal and Blog.

I just really want to say...

"I made it!" Saying those words make me so happy... even if its just a fantasy.

Burnt Out.

I am spending money that I do not have right now. But will have next week. WHAT A CONCEPT! But its cool.

I love working at Hot Dog on a Stick.The pay isn't that lousy but it still isn't worthwhile (even with my twenty-five cent raise wink*wink) but I love it nonetheless. This week has been my spring break and I was going to go down to San Diego but that was a bust. So I ended up staying here in Torrance. I have seen some of my friends but I haven't hang out with the two that I really want to see.

So instead, I have been working. Originally I was only scheduled to work Saturday (Opening), Sunday (Opening, but switched to Middle), Monday (Opening, but I switched to Middle), Wednesday (Middle), and Saturday...I switched this to Friday (Closing)... Well it sounds like a lot of days but it is over two weeks so it really isn't. I think it is the perfect amount of days. I would love to work three-four days a week... SPREAD OUT OF COURSE. But to add to these days... I covered a shift at Westside on Tuesday and tomorrow I will be covering a shift at Del Amo... both middle shifts. This means... I will be working seven days in a row. Not all seven days in a week. but seven days in a row. One can imagine that I am really burnt out.

I have auditions this Saturday and Sunday. I really do not expect anything out of it but I really want to get at least a call back.

I am bored out of my MIND! And when I get bored... WATCH OUT.

I promise this is it! - Life is okay.

I am guilty of having more than one site for my blogs... But I decided that this is it!

I promise. This will be it! I do not ask for comments, because this is more for me than for anyone else. The fact that it is online just gives me the ability to share my inner thoughts with my friends.

Yes so on to the post!

Well my friends have noticed that I have not been as happy as I usually am. I did not realize how unhappy I have become. I started the year off great! I was excited for the program, I lacked any drama, and I just started college... What more could a boy want? Well the middle year (December) did get stressful but it was worth it. Alas now, I find myself at the point of tears randomly? WHY? I hope I am not depressed. But honestly, I just find that this stupid program to be so disheartening. I know, that if this is really something I want to do, than even if I do not make the program, I should continue to pursue my dream, but I do not have the confidence that others have. My whole life has been some jerk trying to tear me down and I guess they have done their job because I do not believe in myself.

I accomplished so much this year, why is it that I only can focus on the things that I did not get?